//Misplaced Thoughts

I am exhausted and my body is begging me to go to sleep, but there is this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, clouding my mind, and I am staring at the now bare walls and I am confused. A bleary sleepy confusion, like I just woke up. Its hard to believe that it is over. I feel like the weekend will pass and then come Tuesday I will be right back in class. In my mind I know its not going to happen like that, but somehow I cannot believe it. I will believe it when I wake up and pack my whole room into the back of the big red truck. I will believe it when we’re on the road back to home, back to a place where I feel safe, a place I know so well. And I will believe it when I am in Matt’s arms again. For now, I don’t.

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I am not so attached to these people. Only a few, like Mel and Ben, but otherwise they are acquaintances, people that I have met. People who I may or may not ever see again, and I care not. The suitcases by the window, the full bags stacked neatly by the wall are the only signs that we will be leaving soon. Only hours now, less then 24 and we will be parting. I wonder if I will cry, if she does then I surely will, and I will miss her because she was, is, my friend. She listened when I needed someone and we had each other to depend on.

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I have grown a lot in the past few months and I have to wonder what the price was. There is a great price for me being so far away from those I love and as I lay and stare at my ceiling my chest grows tight. I wonder if it was worth it.

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I wonder why I have so hard a time taking compliments; especially in front of other people. When I am told I do well I find myself bowing my head and mumbling thank you quietly. Thank you, thank you. And I am thankful. I know that sometimes I cannot take a compliment because I think that the people giving them are lying to me. But when there is no reason to lie, I still can’t seem to take the compliment, I get embarrassed. Is that humble, or just stupid?

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